shining/simran

i have long seen you standing away, away
dear one
dear one


you look away, away
dear one


to me you are the sun undiscovered
the moon and the stars shine for you
the blackest night is to you an ocean 
that welcomes you into the warmth of its arms


the stardust will fall on your face there..
i can see it glistening in your eyes
heavenward - you shine like the ember
in my heart 


i remember you, dear one


can you feel it?
the light welcomes you into the warmth of its arms
shimmering shining, in the light you never fade
you will always be away, away and so close...


                                                                             (for Dan)

one of my favorite quotes

Chariots of Fire (1981)

Eric Liddell: You came to see a race today. To see someone win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe you're dinner's burnt. Maybe you haven't got a job. So who am I to say, "Believe, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race.

talking about forgiveness

          "Most people think of forgiveness as spineless passivity, but I began to look at it as tremendous empowerment. My breakthrough came when I realized that nothing took more divine power than forgiveness, and therefore nothing was more powerful than forgiving. You will never use your own volition--the force of your will--more dramatically than when you AGREE with GOD to START forgiving. Forgiveness is not about feeling. It's about WILLING. No Stronger force exists. Forgiveness was the force that kept Jesus Christ, by His own submission, nailed to that cross. He could have taken Himself down in a split second. He could have called upon every archangel in the heavens, armed and ready. Had He said the word, the seas would have swallowed the earth in one gulp. 
          Forgiveness is not passivity, dear one. It is power. It is the ability to withstand the pressing, quaking gates of hell. Take this power and wield it. It's your right as a child of God. In the power of Jesus, first you will it and soon you'll feel it. Start today, confirm it tomorrow. And keep confirming it by faith as the will of God for you in Christ Jesus until you walk in it by sight. You don't have to have a background like me to resist passivity as your response to wrongdoing. You can resist it just as readily when responding to abandonment by a spouse or the betrayal of a friend. 
         The Christian experience teems with so many paradoxes. Among them is the fact that IT TAKES FAR MORE STRENGTH AND PERSONAL FORTITUDE TO FALL ON OUR KNEES AND SUBMIT TO GOD THAN TO STAND AND FIGHT OUR ENDLESS BATTLES FOR SIGNIFICANCE. Don't let anyone make you think that forgiveness is a covenant with weakness. Nothing demands more elbow grease and thrusting your arms forward and giving God the solitary right to vengeance."
(B. Moore, Integrity Publishers, 2007, p. 33-34). 


I hope this encourages you as much as it did me. It's awesome to think that it's not an easy thing to forgive and that you are NOT a weak person if you do. Nothing takes more strength than forgiveness. Releasing forgiveness to someone who has harmed you, is definitely almost always an undeserved gift. But, it is a gift that will just keep giving back so much good to the one who gives it away to others. 

7 undeniable needs

7 Undeniable Needs of the Human Heart:

1. To be heard and understood

2. To be praised

3. To be validated

4. To belong

5. To be chosen

6. To be safe

7. To experience non-sexual touch

As I survey the list of "Undeniable Needs of the Human Heart", my heart actually sinks a little. For the majority of my childhood and teenage years, 6 out of the 7 needs in that list were not met. This thought alone leaves me wondering: how many people have experienced what I experienced? How many people have lived the majority of their life having almost none of their needs met? By the time I was 20 years old I had actually reached the point where I had learned how not to have needs. That is so sad. Forget Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I feel slightly ripped off that Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs is what teens were/are taught in highschool. The list of the "7 Undeniable Needs of the Human Heart" is far closer to what resonates with what the majority of people really need.

 It seems like this saying has been said a million and a half times but, the truth remains: hurt people hurt people. The challenge for me personally is to not bemoan the fact that when I was growing up my needs weren't met by the people that were "supposed" to love me, but instead I want to surround myself with people who can help me meet my needs now. I can't do anything about the past, the only power I have is to change the now - my present. I have a choice to see the past  for what it was, to learn from it and move on. I have the choice to focus on a more positive present and future. I'm glad the love of God gives me so much hope and joy to the point where I feel like life is actually worth living. The awesome thing is that when you are getting poured into, you can pour out so much to other people too. When your needs are getting met, you will inevitably be able to meet other peoples needs. 

So if you're needs aren't getting met  you may want to ask yourself: 

Is this a healthy relationship?

Am I asking too much or having hidden expectations?
What needs should I rely solely on God to fill and what can I expect other people to fill? 

Am I telling the other person in this relationship what I want/need?

Am I asking them questions about where they are at or am I assuming I know what they think/how they feel?

Am I willing to listen to the truth at the cost of it not being what I want to hear?

Am I willing to forgive someone who has let me down in the past?

These are just a few questions I am asking myself in my relationships with friends, my husband etc. In the end, if I ask these kinds of questions I will be able to love myself, and others better. I will have my needs met and be able to meet others as well. 

No matter what the past looked like - today is a beautiful opportunity to shine, love and dance the pants off the past! 

trust the gardener

Some days are simply beautiful. Some days have this magical way of being mellifluous. Everything is right in the world, (or at least it seems to be so). Still, there are the other days - the kind that eviscerate the mind, leaving one perplexed that we live in a world that is so excruciatingly unkind. It is on a day like today that makes me realize how much I need Jesus, and how His beautiful love is so much more meaningful and constructive than an easy day where everything seems to be going right.  I am growing, because I am hurting, and through my pain, I can see the hands of love reaching out to me, touching me in the deepest places of my soul. 


Take a look around. I know it may seem like it, but no one is perfect. We are all existing in various stages of acceptance of our own history, actions, hurts, triumphs and defeats. We all have a journey to go on, we all have people to forgive, battles to win, pain to acknowledge, insecurities to overcome.. I tend to agree with the statement that the measure of a person is not defined by what they achieve, but by the things they overcome. When I look at my life through the truth of that statement, I see myself as being much more of a success than if I was just looking at my life through my achievements. If I never win a gold medal, if I never see the dreams I have accomplished, if I never get to see another day in this life, I will still be full of love and hope because of the things I have overcome. God has helped me, and we have done it together, we have been a team, we have been a family, we have been father and daughter, and He is has never left me or forsaken me. He has fought my dragons with me, and we have stood in victory over the things that were intended to choke out my life, as they lay dead on the ground. 


I am more than a conquerer in Christ. Just listen to that statement as you read it in your mind. I am MORE than a conquerer in Christ. There is so much power in that statement, because it is the truth. Jesus is the hero that we need. He is the only one who will stay when everyone around us bails, when people let us down, when life gets really really difficult, He stays. He is the one who will fight with us as we come to terms with the fact that our battles have been won. We can stand firm in Him and together, and take the ground that was ours in the first place.. 


Don't be discouraged if you have a life that looks like a bunch of weeds right now. Remember that there is someone who will help you pull out all of those weeds.. every single one. Even if it takes years to remove one weed, He will be there with you through that process. You have a garden, your soul and your spirit are yours to tend to. That garden was intended, dreamed, breathed and spoken into being by the most beautiful person who has ever existed. He dreams beauty and calls beauty into being, and you are intended to be that beautiful garden.. What is, is only temporary - but what is eternal is that beauty, that dream, that purpose, existing outside of space and time.. waiting. We need God to become connected to who we truly are. We can't do it without Him.. in Him we live, move, and have our being. God doesn't see you as being your weeds, He sees you as being the beautiful things He planted in your garden when He created you. Some of those things haven't ever even been cultivated yet. So don't give up, don't stop believing that He loves you - all of you - and though you may feel a certain way, it doesn't change the truth of who you are in Him. His truth exists outside of emotion and feeling.. His truth stands.


I am praying that we, as His people, would not give up, but would be faithful to keep going, even when it becomes painful to look at the weeds that have been allowed to grow. Keep your focus, keep your faith and hope in Him and trust Him.. let His healing hands of love help you do the work. 


How I love His hands of kindness... how much He has given for me.. more and more I am realizing, He is the one that deserves all of my trust... He is the relentless gardener who will never give up, never tell me I'm too far gone.. I am so thankful for a God who loves me so much.. 

the only one

I have found it beneath the texture of the tangible
In your ear,
Under the skin of your arm
Below the apex of your heart
The soles of your feet and the palms of your hands
Held between the free expanse of enclosed arms
Listening to your chest
Waiting as hope beats through your ribs and into my ear
Sailing on the peaceful waters there...


This joy is consuming 
Sacred and strong
Whispering to me


I have your love 

a green feeling color

I was alone at the beginning of my life

Then God touched my soul. He made it breath, made it feel and love.

I saw the colorful view, I saw everything but I could not see it through His eyes. 

Sometimes I would hear Him whisper to me in the silence, and I would look around.

Sometimes I would run to find him. 

I would stare at the sky – was He in the clouds? The stillness? The rain?

The comfort of the grass beneath my feet led me to an open meadow where the grass grew tall and green 

That field was vast and quiet.. and I could smell the clay that the grass was growing in

It was a world apart.. no one else knew

I wondered if God was in the clay - if He was holding the grassy meadow together like that earth.

Was it Him, holding me together?

Were His kisses beneath my feet, like that damp earth?

Did I know what it meant to be loved?

That was God’s field - but He gave it to me

It always seemed to ask me the same questions: Have you seen His face, have you seen the things He has made?

No, I would think, I have not seen Him.. but I know Him..

I know how much more beautiful He must be than the things His hands have made

Can beauty heal?

Now I know it can

His beauty, His life, truth, strength, purity, joy... forgiveness and mercy

Forever and ever and ever

He is the fairytale come true 

Sometimes now, I can see things through His view..

And I don't ever want to leave that place