DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
Casual/Minimal - simple, surface-level verbal interaction which is generally pleasant instead of hostile. People at this level usually do not give or receive help, emotional support or love from each other. They just speak and listen to each other when necessary.
Moderate - has all the characteristics of a minimal relationship, but includes one more: an emotional attachment…you want emotional support and are willing to give it. There is an openness which enables both of you to listen to the other's hurts, concerns, joys and needs…takes time and requires risk.
Strong - develop when you have high involvement with people. You minister to one another in tangible ways…you provide and receive help from one another. Many people bypass the emotional attachment and go straight to helping. The personal investment is less. And yet, strong relationships must be based on emotional support for caring to be meaningful. Short-circuiting emotional support leads to shallow relationships. Emotional support is a stronger tie than helping.
Quality/Binding - valued as permanent or long-term; there are few valid reasons for terminating it. This type of relationship includes the added element of loving trust. You feel safe with this person when you reveal what's going on inside you -- your inner needs, thoughts and feelings. He or she treats what you share as a gift. There are no secrets and no barriers; the relationship is built upon complete mutual trust. Examples include: spouse, parents, children, relatives, possibly bosses or co-workers.
Love - you feel safe and secure; it's okay to be yourself. You use your strengths, capabilities and skills to lift the other person above yourself. There is a sense of belonging; you feel significant to this person. You express your care through words as well as deeds; you're willing to move out of your comfort zone for that person's benefit. You feel accepted for who you are.
Trust is making yourself dependent upon another person for some result or outcome. It's a healthy dependency, not forced. You feel assurance and confidence in trusting the other person. You act on the trust you perceive. …This is the most fragile pillar in most relationships because it involves the most risk of being hurt.
Respect - recognizing and acknowledging the other person's worth or value. This requires that you honor and respect yourself; for if you don't respect yourself how can you give respect to someone else? (Remember how God sees us…)
Understanding - The first three elements are dependent on this one. Understanding only develops over time and is based on knowledge. You understand others by getting inside of them and seeing life from their perspective, through their eyes. It involves a tremendous amount of communication -- of asking, sharing and listening. What is revealed is based on trust, which is based on how well you know one another, which is based on what is revealed.
In deep and pure friendships and relationships, the two souls draw strength and encouragement from each other as well as security and love.
1. You are committed to the spiritual growth of one another in the things of God.
2. The relationship is mutually beneficial -- you are not always the giver or always the receiver.
3. Person does not cause you to violate your conscience… They don't try to maneuver you into doing something you don't want to do, like going against God's will.
4. Person does not manipulate you through anger/drama or favors but motivates through love.
5. Person does not expect anything from you that they are not willing to give themselves.
In Ecclesiastes 4:-9-12, Solomon describes the attributes of such a relationship:
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Loneliness is the first thing that God said was not good. In Genesis 2:18, He says "It is not good for man to be alone."
v Marriage is a godly covenant. You will become like the person that you marry. You become one with the person you marry.
Genesis 2:23-24
23The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called `woman,' for she was taken out of man." 24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
v There is a spiritual tie created by any act of sexual contact, whether willing or unwilling. The two become one flesh, whether inside or outside of marriage. The practical spiritual effect of this is that any spiritual bondage of the person with whom you have had sex seeps into you, and makes your spiritual walk much more difficult. This DOES NOT affect your salvation, but it can make living a life free of sin and full of victory in Jesus much more difficult. It also means that any demonic oppression any of your former sexual partners may suffer from can transfer to you. Additionally, condoms do not stop demons!
1 Corinthians 6:15-16
15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."
God has so built every woman that the first man who has sexual relations with her takes a form of dominion over her (Genesis 3:16…Your desire will be for husband, and he will rule over you.). Her human spirit and soul is built to respond to the man by nurturing him, supplying affection to him, and being that man's fountain
of satisfaction and blessing through all his life.
A man's spirit is so built that for each woman he enters, his spirit is built to find, protect, bless, nurture and provide for that woman. A man's soul can be scattered and destroyed through adulterous relationships…
A soul tie is the knitting together of two souls that can either bring tremendous blessings in a godly relationship or tremendous destruction when made with the wrong person. …the emotions, mind, and/or will of one person is unnaturally or inordinately affected by another person(s); thoughts and actions no longer their own; under demonic, manipulating control of another; a counterfeit of godly covenant.
Law of Association
You will rise or fall to the level of your associations. No root, no fruit. Bad ground, weak root, bad fruit… If you want to know where you are going, look at your friends.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
I Corinthians 15: 33-34
33Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." 34Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God--I say this to your shame.
Proverbs 13:20
20He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
Romans 11:16
16 If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches.
A PROSPEROUS SOUL demonstrates SELF-AUTHORITY and SELF-DETERMINATION:
· Your emotions and reactions are self-governed. You don't allow the actions and condemnations of others control your life.
· You react to life realistically (no drama)
· You do not assign human characteristics to inanimate objects
· You relate well to a variety of people
· You respond properly to godly authority without feeling threatened or smaller yourself.
Infatuation moves quickly; love grows. Infatuation carries a sense of uncertainty; love begins with security. Infatuation could lead you to do things you might regret; love won't.
Indications that your relationship is a mismatch--that you have a higher level of interest in the relationship than your significant other:
v You initiate most of the contact.
v You initiate most of the affectionate advances, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc.
v You are the plan maker, whereas the other just seems to go along.
v You sacrifice to do things for the other or make life more agreeable, but you don't see this reciprocated.
v You are excited about the relationship, while the other person just seems to be along for the ride.
v You talk about your relationship and possible future plans, but this strikes an unresponsive chord with your partner.
A relationship is not going to work if either one of you habitually rescues the other. When you rescue your partner on a continual basis, you're teaching that individual that there's no need for him to change since you will bail him out. He won't learn from past blunders. If you rescue him so regularly that others are aware of it, their reinforcing comments will tend to keep you locked into that pattern of behavior.
If you rescue others, what do you expect from them? Thanks, appreciation, perhaps even reciprocation. But in a close relationship you will often find this response lacking--especially if your partner is a taker. This is because when you rescue others you are exerting some type of control over them; and in time they can end up resenting you for it. The unspoken message conveyed to them is, "I'm better than you are, and you're not capable of handling things yourself."
If you find yourself always attracted to needy people, ask yourself: Are you choosing a partner for his strengths or weaknesses? Can you respond in a healthy way to a strong partner? If not, you have some work to do to discover and eliminate the needs you have to be a rescuer.
You can try to reshape, remake and reconstruct your partner, but you can't get gold out of a mine that's filled with lead.
v What constitutes a must-have or can't stand for you? List 10 of the qualities and/or characteristics your partner MUST have and 10 qualities or characteristics that you absolutely could not stand…Submit your desires to the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Prov 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
1 Peter 3:1-7
3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
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